I have been debating how honest I should be on my blog. For example for the women if you were blogging right after your punk ass drunk husband beat the shit out of you. Or if you were a dude and slept with men on the downlow would you ever mention that on your blog?
The reason I ask is I was going through some serious depression and doing the OVERBOARD self medicating even to the point of wasting tons of money to try and change my mood.
I went a few days wthout shaving and that has always been a sure sign I was in a deep depression. I even went a whole 24hrs not checking my email.
My backround and guilt of not being there for my 17 old daughter, stuck in a marriage. Feeling guilty that II should of lived my life in New York with my daughter.
Todays my wife’s birthday and we had some fun, we have been married 13 yrs and were like two pit bulls with each other for many years. I’m writing all this because I’m prepared to start writing my life story.
Why tell the story ? Well since I’m at peace with many of the issues and actions I took, why not let it rest ?
1 I can look at it as a first draft for one of my books, Chronicles of the White Buddah. That story has already been written but it will let me cast multiply time lines because I have actually 3 stories that intersect.
I went to Catholic school and graduated 3rd out of 6000 something I can write. I think the main reason that I have written so sloppily on this blog is FEAR.
I’m self destructive when I see something good happening or I have reached my goals I have a tendency to sabotage myself.
In the one story A Real Bronx Tale, it begins with the child by fate not having his Father around and his mother was in the hospital 8 months in traction that the character is raised by his grandparents. So there are real life impacts and results. The full story can’t really be told because no man is truly honest with himself when it comes to FEAR.
Like a millions forms of fear, the stories synopsis is the tragedy of a life lost and the making of amends in ones mind for bad deeds done long ago.
The human being is a fascinating creature we literally have the power to create our own realities. We can be our own worse enemies, we are truly pathetic when it comes to LOVE. We kill people by the millions we make it right. One man who has always done what he felt was right or things he felt bad about because of drinking carries the weight of world on his shoulders. Because he realized if your not loving your dying….
OK so I want to take a honest look at my past it covers 12 years in prison. Rising to the top many times on his own basis proving just how right I was about people.
I know people even as a boy 12 years old tossed to the streets of NYC I knew that you would find some people that loved you and that you will love many but their definition of love and yours were quite different.
Also like anything the more you practice and look to change and NOT QUIT it’s destiny.
I have read tons of books and said YES my stories are better. I have read thousands of books and wonder how they even got published. See you have to see it to make it happen and no one GOD Friend or country is going to help you now. A man that will be 44 soon has no excuses anymore. It’s time to go for it 
Hey at least I will have some stuff to write about I know and hope that people don’t read it. I’m doing it to get alot search traffic for keywords like Yankees YES I played on the field every year as a kid and got tons of gifts from my heroes at the time.
If you are somewhat morbidly interested I would like to collaborate with another writer to keep busy. We can talk and I will outline the stories and share some facts on why I KNOW the stories will sell. I’m looking for partners for all kinds of things so what are you interested in ? Maybe I can help you ? All my life I would THINK I was putting others first but it was all manipulation.
I will make just one rule for my writings and that is I will not jeopardize anyone’s freedom or life including my own, so yes I was add about the hells angels and the mafia figures that I would have in check. Besides being Irish one of the many reasons I wouldn’t join any mafia or gang is because I knew they were backstabbing all mouth snitches because I watched many of them. They don’t impress me now or back then the only reason they have any mentions on the story is because they were part of it.
Might as well write the story at this point. I’d like to thank they people that kept me in mind during my downtime. I was very pleased to show up again on my great blogging friend’s blog Kikolani.com. I checked it out but was so distraught I couldn’t leave a comment but will.
I will edit any typos later thanks for reading any thoughts ? Thanks
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I am no expert but I do not know if dwelling in the past really serves any purpose. Sometimes we just have to try and forget, shake off the past and go forward. The word forgiveness seems to be appropriate here, maybe this is something you need to look at. Forgive all those who wronged you and above all, forgive yourself for all those things you know were wrong.
Enough preaching. I hope you feel better soon.
.-= Lyndi´s last blog ..Just how many are commenting? =-.
Hi John,
i’m on my new iPhone I just bought it today.
Glad things are better right now I can’t imagine 10 years I prison it can change a man. Have you ever considered pot the reasoning for your depression?
Just wondering…
.-= bbrian017´s last blog ..Friday Blog Traffic Report 4 =-.
I hope you get over your depression soon. Like Lyndi I think dwelling in the past is a bad habit and serves little purpose.
With that said, it seems like those of us with the major issues in life often make the best authors, especially when they’re brave enough to publicly admit it. I tend to get carried away on my personal blog but there are certain directions I wont go. I do like to read about them on other blogs and books though, as long as it’s put out there without a bunch of crying and ‘poor ol’ mistreated me’ crap.
This is going to sound very insensitive to most people but I think it’s sometimes productive to write while in a stressed frame of mind – just don’t publish it yet. I’m reluctant to say ‘embrace’ that depression for the sake of interesting content because depression is a serious matter and must be dealt with. Professionally, by the way, not by self medicating but I’m not here to judge. At the same time it might be a waste if your thoughts weren’t written while in the process of healing.
I’m certainly no expert and admittedly talk out of my ass sometimes but that’s just my experience. My doorway is anger rather than depression but it still works. I say don’t publish yet because I’ve came back later regretting it big time. I’ll look at something I wrote and wonder what in the world was I thinking. It’s really embarrassing when you’ve done it as a comment on someones’ blog.
That’s just my two cents and you are a very interesting person. I think you should write about it.
.-= Brian D. Hawkins´s last blog ..Gas Stations Make Me SICK! =-.
Hey John, I knew when I hadn’t heard from you something must have been going on with you. One thing I have learned about life, is let the past remain in the past. You can not undo it, you have to live for today and hope to be better today than you were yesterday. Take care…
.-= @moneybusinessopportunity´s last blog ..Simple Tricks To Get Website Traffic =-.
The first poster said that the best thing to do is to let go off the past and move forward.. While I do agree largely, I also believe that for a lot of us (such as myself) we don’t really face up to what we’re doing while we’re doing it.. We kinda charge blindly forward, forgetting too quickly.. When you’re like that I do think it can be healthy to take a good long look back on everything, deal with it, face up to it and enjoy it for the story it’s become.. Then only can you really move forward freely
.-= music scene kid´s last blog ..Featured Video =-.
once you publish the book, then you can sell the movie rights! Sometimes the past is best forgotten, unless there’s a memoir in there somewhere……LOL
I think everyone should be as honest as they are comfortable being. When I write, I consider who will be reading it, and what possible outcome there might be if, say, a family member, employer, friend, enemy, etc. happened to read it. Even if not now, but in the future, since the internet has a way of keeping things around even after you delete them.
For some people, looking back and writing about the past is a cathartic release of it. So if you have demons in your past, you will expel them onto the paper, monitor, etc. and they will no longer be with you.
And I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I think the self-medicating only makes the depression worse. It doesn’t help you deal with the root of the problem, it just masks it so it can resurface later, when you’re sober, and thus makes you want to continue to self-medicate. It’s not easy to get on without the medication sometimes, but the more you fight through it, the stronger you become for the next time the depression hits again.
~ Kristi
.-= Kikolani´s last blog ..Merlin Crosses the Rainbow Bridge =-.
I would rather not dwell with the past. I had a horrible past and I am going to leave it there and not bring it with me to present and future.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..WritingConsultation.com is Safe =-.
Very glad that you have pulled yourself from the depths and writing again. I’ve been there and don’t intend to ever go back again. Self medication did not work for me – just made things worse in the end. Glad to say I eventually found the right “happy pills” and the past no longer has the capacity to hurt. Dwelling in the past is very different from being to recall things vividly when you choose to for writing purposes. All the best with your project.
.-= Sueblimely´s last blog ..Firefox Collections and Social Networking =-.
Bro depression sucks, I have been battling it my entire life and the best way to put it is that it sucks.
I blame my childhood for a great deal of it even though I honestly had a great childhood, after my natural born mother unloaded me of course.
Now in regards to how honest you should be on your blog, I think you should always be honest. Now with that said I think you should only write about things that you intend to be honest about, if you feel that your life is an open book and want to share it with everyone without holding anything back than have at it. However I don’t feel writing only half about the topic is a good approach for anyone, honestly can’t even imagine it’s healthy.
.-= Extreme John@Blogging CEO´s last blog ..The Copycat Company =-.
Hey just noticed one of the banners I sent over random pop through the top baby, very nice glad you found use for them
.-= Extreme John@Blogging CEO´s last blog ..Throwback: Playboy Mansion Party Pictures IIII =-.