Throughout your life, you’ve probably been told to just be yourself. Your parents were most likely the one of your biggest influencers along with teachers and adults. Perhaps even during your teenage years or early twenties, you were confused at who you really are. After studying and being around some of the most successful people in the world, I have come to most surprising philosophy as it relates to building rapport which ultimately takes you one step closer to success. It’s not about you, it’s about the person in front of you.
Being Selfish
The problem with most people in their business lives is that they are more concerned with themselves and how they act and what they do to the point where the completely ignore everyone else. In successful communication, it doesn’t matter about who you are, the only thing that matters is who the person in front of you is. If you are not focusing on the person in front of you, then your simply being selfish.
Why You Should Join Their Tribe
Everyone belongs to a certain tribe. By tribe, I’m referring to the people that hang around you the most. You will notice that the people you hang around the most are all very similar to how you are. From obvious factors such as the same interest in movies to something more complex such as using the same tonality as one another. This isn’t done by accident, it’s because people like people that are like themselves. What this should tell you is that in order to be part of their tribe, you need to do the same things they do.
How to Join Their Tribe
· Body movements
o Do they use their hands when they speak? Do they have odd facial expressions
· Tonality
o If they talk fast, then you talk fast. If they emphasize certain words, you should too
· Visual Auditory Kinesthetic
o Do they use words a visual person would? An Auditory person? A kinesthetic person? Click (VAK) for list of words to help in this process.
· Internal decision maker vs. External decision maker
o Do they make their own decisions or would they rather research or get someone else’s opinions
· Personality types
o Are they Expressive? Diver? Analytical? Amiable?
Understanding some of these concepts will almost instantly help you create rapport. Rapport is essential to anyone becoming successful in almost anything. Now you are starting realize the power of placing your focus on the person in front of you, rather than yourself. Since you have gained an understanding of building rapport, the next step would be to learn how to leverage that rapport and influence people to make decisions.
I wrote a book called 7 Day Persuasive Communication, a guide that teaches you the actual linguistics and patterns you are supposed to use in your everyday communication to achieve maximize influence and persuasion. In other words, you will learn to convince, persuade, and influence anyone you want to take action on anything. Also, you can visit my blog persuasive.net. Thanks
AJ Kumar
(310) 595-0232
Thanks AJ I know that I can definitely work on my communications skills or lack thereof 
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One of the reasons my business is successful is because I’m not a phony person……..my communication skills are something from the heart and could never be manipulated in any way, otherwise people would see right through the fakeness.
Good article though!
Thanks Matt. Like I explained to Diety, it’s not phony unless your intentions were to swindle someone. Since you do have a successful business that was because of your communication skills, I’m sure you can look back at your journey and remember the changes you made that allowed you to adapt to new situations.
Attention this is a guest post
and whenever I think to make any changes in myself I always wonder if it’s best to just be yourself which I’m
The writer is a friend of mine so I invited him to post UP
I think that if you are going to do these things to get yourself in good with a certain successful group for your career, it’s good to continue to remember who you are. When you get home, have something around that says I may be being someone else for my job, but here is who I am once I step out of my office and into my own home. You wouldn’t want to find yourself one day with your original personality lost to becoming like others
~ Kristi
As human beings, we naturally adapt to new situations or scenarios. By being consciously aware of it and deliberately doing so on command, you are only speeding up the process for success. Does that make sense?
Diety, I understand your concern, so let me clarify:
You are not being phony, but rather sincere. I don’t mean for you to do this to try and swindle someone out of their money, I mean for you to do this in order to build a network of friends whom you can mutually benefit from. The bottom line is that if you want to be successful in anything, you MUST build a network. Since everyone is unique in their own way, it’s up to YOU to make sure others feel comfortable around you.
By you taking the initiative to ‘be like them’, you are not only giving someone a new friend, but you may also be able to provide them with a product/service that can fit their need.
It all depends on your intention.
The problem with most people in their business lives is that they are more concerned with themselves and how they act and what they do to the point where the completely ignore everyone else. In successful communication, it doesn’t matter about who you are, the only thing that matters is who the person in front of you is. If you are not focusing on the person in front of you, then your simply being selfish.
.-= daniel´s last blog ..Dropping a hiroshima size bomb on blogging =-.