Double Dead Bolts

I thought I was ready to start writing some things from the past and start writing about some things that I have learned in life but I guess I’m not quite ready yet. But I felt such strong emotion as I watched this video and stared at the screen debating what to write. So I’ll just give you some notes
on what I was thinking. Recognizing these things is key because we are often our own worse enemy.
” When we stop pointing the finger we realize how wrong we were”
“Death is the only thing that ruined my life”
I wanted to write about some of the things that I had experienced many years ago and for the most part kept well hidden. Some of you may know that I’m white and live in an environment that has no whites and is dangerous at times. Tonight just to go to the store I was reminded of tactics I used to have to use to survived in NYC as a kid. I was what was called a “throw away” ” run away” kid basically a smart mouth punk who did whatever he wanted since age 11. My son Daniel is 10 feet away from me right now  and he is 11.
I don’t tell him much about any bad things. I do tell him I had my own car and a pack of smokes at his age. Man I lived a hard life compared to most but surprisingly I’m at a good peaceful place. I’m 43 and starting to realize time is moving fast.
What’s strange about tonight is I was watching TV and thinking I’d be nice and run up the street to this taco stand to get my wife and son some tacos and share the love. Well as I left I noticed the gang banger jerk outside with his “buddy”. I ignored them and off I went. I knew  when there was two of them they   would probably not say anything. I got the food and went to the store my wife works at to get my free super size coffee and when I walk in I see Spanky has a few more of his gang buddies in tow.

I make my coffee they all leave before me  and I can see across the road where I have to go they’re  all standing there in front of the building. If you know Mexican food you might know the BIG ass Coke Bottles they sell in Mexico, well I bought my wife one at the taco truck and as I’m crossing the road towards the crew of Bloods or whatever they are. I’m thinking damn I can’t back down now. I’m thinking fuck them if they jump me I’m going to get the one that is my neighbor the one standing there with a blunt and trying to look all hard with his fucking friends. As I walked across the road and could see it was them I repositioned that coke bottle in my right hand and had a 44oz steaming hot coffee in my left. Thank God I had some good smoke to cool my nerve, so I just walked by. Now you may be thinking ok move somewhere else dude    Well when I was my son’s age my father was murdered by 5 Spanish guys and I was thinking about that. See these guys are the type to make their move when they’re 5 deep but they don’t know one thing. I have alot of experience defending myself against a group of punks like that. Anyway I do hope to move eventually and I’m glad they kept their mouth shut but it brought back alot of memories. I know how much I lost not having a father and I don’t want to do that to my son.

Thanks for stopping BY

Please feel free to share any thoughts. See I couldn’t control what happen when I walked by. Thank God nothing did other then their dumb hard stares to be honest. Fear is the word we deny. Many of us could be HIGHLY successful BUT FEAR keeps us prisoner until we look at the fear head on and that’s why I kept walking towards them. I need to look at the areas of my life that I still fail at and see if it’s fear, which can be corrected and challenged.

What did you think of that crazy ass video ?

5

Tagged as: fear, murder, peace, violence